How Dirty Talk Improved My Sex Life

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As important the touching and physical sensations are for my sex life, dirty talk has made my orgasms feel more complete. And now, I’m a better lover because I know how to communicate exactly what I want. In the months I dated Paul, he pulled from me bits and pieces and implanted thoughts that had never crossed my mind.

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• « You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you. »
• It was definitely a process with many baby steps, but I went from being able to say words like « pussy » and « cock » on their own to using them in complete sentence.
• Lisa talks about her fantasies of fucking other men while her husband fucks her tight pussy.
• For him, whose second language was English, it was fun to play with the dirty words of my first language, words that I struggled to say because of my own issues and peculiar sensitivities to specific sounds.

Now, dirty talk is as an integral part of my sex life, and it’s almost become a type of kink or fetish I need to orgasm. Not only have I included it during foreplay and by sexting a partner some pretty graphic sexual scenarios before seeing them, but I also find myself talking dirty when I’m masturbating. Lisa talks about her fantasies of fucking other men while her husband fucks her tight pussy. She loves talking dirty while getting fucked and taking a hot load of cum all over her pussy.

This afternoon, though, we were going for round two, and we were getting into it and I wanted to slow things down a bit so I was teasing him and not letting him enter me. We were playfully doing this and sort of teasing each other, and I put my knees around his hips to keep him from entering me, and he said, “You think you can stop me from getting in? ” as a joke, but it was like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over me. He would never, ever do anything without my consent, and I know that, but the comment, while said jokingly, took my mind to a very dark place (I have a generalized anxiety disorder). I was inspired to write in by a recent question about aftercare. I am pretty vanilla, but I relate to the previous question asker’s distaste for cuddling, especially after sex.

I have felt this way hooking up in the past, which makes some sense because being alone with a stranger is probably inherently awkward, but even with my spouse, whom I love deeply, I can’t seem to feel relaxed. I have no trauma that might be the root of this feeling, and I am generally very comfortable with my spouse. After sex, I just want some space and air, which doesn’t seem like it should be too much to ask, but if I try to extricate myself, my spouse gets upset. I have tried explaining that I need some peace and space in the very same way that they need snuggling and the like, to wind down and recenter myself, but I never seem to get through.

There’s more to sex than intercourse—oral, manual, kink/BDSM, and more can all be performed without a hard penis. Long after my relationship with Paul dissolved, I continued to practice what he taught me with other men. I was unapologetically candid with my words during sex, and in most cases, the men I found myself with were just as vocal as I was. Once I was able to harness my ability to talk dirty in bed, I never looked back.

• Perhaps the same should be so for other forms of sex, including the vanilla variety, but it isn’t as widely practiced there.
• By entering, you affirm that you are at least 18 years of age or the age of majority in the jurisdiction you are accessing the website from and you consent to viewing sexually explicit content.
• It can be humbling in the most basic sense of the word to know that you did harm (or something close to it) by accident.
• We let them roam around the place pretty freely, because like I said, there isn’t a lot of space even if we don’t restrict it any.
• This ability made me feel more confident in the bedroom.
• I have no trauma that might be the root of this feeling, and I am generally very comfortable with my spouse.

If you invite him in explicitly, he may see that what happened was a blip, something you can both get over with minimal effort. My husband and I had a very rare work-free, kids-at-daycare day home together today. We had some of the most connected and amazing sex this morning that we have had since our youngest was born almost 10 months ago.

Understanding where his head is at will be crucial to your progress. If he doesn’t want to have sex in the first place, that’s a much more complicated issue, in many ways beyond what you’re capable of willing a resolution for. That he’s tried meds implies at least some degree of desire—whether he wants to have sex, wants to want to have sex, wants to please you, or something else is unclear from your letter. However, PDE5 inhibitors are vasodilators, not libido boosters. They work on his dick not his mind, so if his head isn’t in it, you’re not going to see much movement.